Sunday, January 13, 2013

{Responsibility}

My One Word. Last year I chose {love}and God truly worked in my heart in ways I could not have imagined when I chose that word. I was thinking since no way had I mastered or even come close to learning all there is to know about love that I should keep it for another year. However, toward the end of 2012, I felt God pulling me in another direction. Responsibility. We live in a world that thinks fast food made us fat, the bank lending us too much money made us broke, and our childhood is to blame for our depression/anxiety/emotional instability/mental illness or whatever you choose to term it. Recently, even just looking at my own successes and failures in this life I realized how quickly we are to take credit for the good..."I worked my butt off and lost 50 lbs." Or "I studied hard and aced that test." Even in our spiritual journey, we are quick to self promote our studies. Flip the tables and let's see how those same statements pan out. "I have been under so much stress, I think my hormones are messed up and just looking at food makes me gain weight." Or "The test questions were worded weird and that smart guy in the back ruined the curve." Or even in our spiritual walk, "I've just been so busy and tired and haven't had time to really get in the Word."

In this world where we wish to label bad behavior with a disease to remove the personal responsibility, where we feel we cannot just say, "I'm sorry, I messed that one up. How can I fix it?", where saving face is more important than owning up! I want to teach my kids, by example, that personal responsibility is truly a beautiful thing! When you take responsibility, you can alter your mood, your outlook, your attitude, even your course in life!

I have been working on this post for weeks now. I'm so glad I chose this word. I have seen so many areas that I need to apply this to and am looking forward to big changes in 2013!

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Bedtime reports

Sometimes I complain that I have to put the kids to bed 5 nights a week completely all by myself. Joel works evenings and has for a LONG time and despite many prayers for change, I see no future of any change in sight. It's hard sometimes. They ask for Daddy when they are going to bed. Some nights I am so exhausted by the time I read to all of them and snuggle with each of them (and don't forget about baths!) that I simply flop onto the couch and look at the mess and say, "I will get it tomorrow(which never happens btw.)"

Even when I am complaining, I know it is wrong. How many parents who have lost their little children to cancer or an accident or some other tragedy would beg God for one more night of chaos to have the hugs and kisses and snuggles and "just one more book". Even on the nights Joel is home and he puts them to bed all by himself sometimes to give me a break and I get to sit on the couch and do nothing, I don't feel a sense of relief. I feel guilty. I know that all too soon there won't be bedtime stories and snuggles. If I wasn't doing bedtime by myself every night I would miss moments like these just from last night...
Grace: she fell down the stairs earlier in the evening and had a nasty little bump and bruise right behind her ear. I read about signs to check for with an injury in that location. One said to whisper in their ear and have them repeat back what you said. That just isn't happening with Grace. I tried counting. She is very good at that and can count to 10 all by herself most of the time. Nothing. I tried ABC's. Nothing. So I sang her favorite song Away in a manger, all the way up to her favorite part "the stars in the sky" we do hand motions with it and as soon as I stopped she put her little hands up and did the stars in the sky looking down where he lay. Relief! And it was beyond cute!
Benjamin: I always have to weasel kisses out of Benjamin, but the past few nights he has been telling me he gave all his kisses to daddy and has none for me. Last night he didn't even have a hug for me! So after shamelessly begging for just one kiss, I switched it up on him and told him I didn't want any of his stinky hugs or nasty kisses. After making a huge deal about it for a few minutes what do you think I got?!?? Yep! Stinky hugs and nasty kisses! Oh, how I love reverse psychology and 4 year olds! :)
Noah: I finished tucking him in and asked him if he had done something I had asked him to do. He said nope and then showed me that he had using what he called an "analogy". He just started learning about these in school and while it was not an analogy in fact at all, I just love when he learns something new and tries to put it in practice!!

I can't imagine missing these moments and am thankful that for the rest of their lives they will likely remember bedtime fun with mom. Now I just have to remember to keep it fun and not a chore!

Friday, January 04, 2013

Blogging Schmogging

I miss blogging. I think too much as my husband puts it. He's right. I don't see it in myself, but I sure do in my sweet little girl. That girl doesn't stop. When I put her in bed at night, she makes every effort to sit herself up and get one more toy or read one more book. You can just tell that her mind is goin a million miles a minute just to keep her awake! Ahh, yes, she is just like her mama, poor girl! We have brains that go faster than a google commercial! Sigh! For Gracie, I have found that if I gently stroke her forehead and sing or talk about her day, I can calm her little mind and she will drift right off. For me, I think I need an outlet. A creative outlet. It's why I love the things I do. Photography. Scrapbooking. Writing. Decorating. DIYing. The problem now is that I have left this space blank for so long that I don't know where to begin. I have drafts that I've never published. I have thoughts that I have typed out only to delete. It's kinda like my whole entire life right now. I don't know where to begin. So many irons in the fire I can't remember which ones are hot anymore! ...