Thursday, February 24, 2011

Were it not for grace...

I have been struggling with some circumstances in life lately. I'm not going into those details, but wanted to share a revelation that I had today. I was sitting on the couch feeding Grace before she went down for her nap and she was just in a diaper because she had made a HUGE mess at lunch time! I stroked her soft delicate baby skin and admired her perfectly creased chubby little arms. I admired her perfectly formed ear. Gazed at her ridiculously long eyelashes as she drifted off to sleep. Adored the perfection of her little lips. Caressed her soft head covered with only a bit of peach fuzz. And as I admired my beautiful baby girl, I was awash with so many thoughts. Thoughts of mothers, even many friends, who never had the chance to even hold their babies. Remembered babies I have cared for whose mothers took them home to await their imminent death, not knowing if it would be days, weeks, months. Imagined the mothers who carried their babies 9 months only to hold them in their arms for hours before releasing them to the tiniest of caskets. I know these mothers have often wondered "why me?" and while I pray that I would never have to experience any of those things, I found myself wondering "why me?". Why has God chosen to bless me when I am not worthy of blessing...were it not for grace. Why has He chosen to bless me over and over and over...were it not for grace. I held my baby girl in my arms and realized(again) that God orchestrates each and every detail of our lives. God knew that this baby girl would teach me so much about His daily grace, that He even orchestrated the choosing of her name...Grace.
A phrase that I heard often from preachers growing up was "God is not the author of confusion". While it has stuck with me for many years, I have often pondered it wondering how God orchestrates each happening in our daily lives, which often includes confusion and pain. As I pondered this today, the thought occurred to me that God is NOT the author of confusion, but the Giver of grace. Without confusion, pain, sadness, failure, would there be room for grace? God allows these things to happen, but He is not the inflicter of pain, the author of confusion, the bestower of sadness, or the cause of failure. He is the continual supplier of grace, mercy, and love. Were it not for grace...I would be a rotten sinner headed for an eternity of sadness, pain, failure, etc. Were it not for grace...I would have no hope. Were it not for grace...I would not be who I am today, a sinner saved by grace with an eternity of love, rejoicing, and perfection!
WERE IT NOT FOR GRACE....

3 comments:

Blakemore Family said...

That was beautiful, Cynetta! It really brings tears to my eyes when I think about what God has done and continues to do in our lives! Though I'm so sad for your pain, I love that He has given His abundant grace!

I'm praying for you! I know He is the One who loves you the most, and I will be praying that you can truly know that love and grace in a real way as you go through this!

Love and prayers!!

Ben, Michele, Claire, Anna said...

I agree with Karen. What a beautiful post, Cynetta. It also brought tears to my eyes. I, too, struggle, with God's grace. I feel so unworthy of His love and mercy. I wonder sometimes why I was chosen to live in the USA, be born to loving, Christian parents, grow up with Christian education, marry an amazing, godly man, have two beautiful and healthy children. Why me? I struggle often times because I feel inadequate and unworthy and I know Satan loves to tell us those untruths and it's so WRONG because the Bible tells us although I am a sinner Christ died for ME. I am made in His image and it is His will that I live mirroring His image so that others can see firsthand His love and grace.

So, thank you for being so transparent. It is hard to be honest with our fears and insecurities. Praying right now for you my sweet friend! xoxoxo

Cynetta said...

Thank you, girls! You are both such sweet, dear friends! Karen, out of pain comes growth...and His grace IS sufficient! Michele, I think you could have written this post for me! Sooo on the same page! :)